Trying

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, mostly because it’s summer and things have a been a little crazy around here. I always think summer is going to be a time to relax and enjoy the warmer weather, but every year I forget that almost nothing ever goes according to plan. Especially if that plan is to take it easy.

I’m trucking along on the next book, or trying to at least. But I’ll be honest, I’ve been struggling lately. I’m overwhelmed by the things my family needs. 6YO needs to not get behind even further than she already is in school. 3YO has been incredibly challenging lately and her therapy has not been going well. After they’re in bed, I feel myself disconnect from everything, which makes it difficult to connect with the husband. As always, there’s chores and laundry and plants to water. Stinky dogs to bathe. Diapers to change. Tantrums to mellow. Some days I can do it all, but most days I can’t.

Lately I’ve been feeling like my best is just not good enough. 3YO’s autism feels much bigger than me and it seems like what progress she made is slipping away. 6YO’s needs for learning and playing with other kids seem like too much for my introverted personality to entertain. I’ve been feeling discouraged and a little beaten down by how much there is for me tackle when all I want to do is just lie down.

But I’m reminded that “trying” looks different for everybody. From my perspective, I’m attempting to divert flood waters with boards that have holes in them. But truthfully, I’m doing my best to keep trying. Loving my kids (even in what feels like my failure) is me trying. Taking deep breaths is me trying. Not taking on anything else is me trying. Accepting help when I need it is me trying. Attempting to prevent self-harm tendencies in my kids is me trying. Taking one tired step forward and two stumbles backward is me trying. Getting up every day is me trying.

Hell, I wrote an entire book about trying, and here I am…still trying to try.

So whatever trying looks like to you, keep trying. It might be ugly and bitter and an uphill battle, but it can still be you trying. Trying isn’t pretty, but it’s necessary. Try and keep trying.

All the best,