Phew.

It’s been almost a month since I last posted something in here! Where does the time go!? Frankly, I’ve been pretty busy. My oldest just turned six and we threw her a party, which caused me a lot of stress as an introvert, and the therapy for my youngest has been turned up a notch in terms of my involvement. On top of that, I’ve been trying to finish my current WIP in time to release in June. Still not sure if I’ll make that deadline!

All that to say, PHEW.

I’m not one of those people who always has to be doing something. I’m actually the opposite- the less there is to do the better. Introvert, homebody, boring, whatever you want to call it, that’s me. For example, there were a couple two week stints this winter in which my kids were sick, so I didn’t leave the house for two straight weeks, and I was totally cool with it.

Earlier in my life, I tried really hard to be like my extroverted best friends but always came up short in that department. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t carry a conversation as well or that I preferred being alone. Now, of course, I’ve embraced it, and I have zero shame about being so introverted. Though I do at times wish I was better at interacting with people (like at said kid’s birthday party).

Thankfully, my personality lends itself well to my heart’s desire of being a writer. Life, however, does not. Things pull me from different directions all day, every day, which makes it difficult for me to keep my focus on where my current WIP needs to go next. I’m rewriting/editing right now and to me it feels sort of clunky to read through because I can tell which bits I wrote when I was really IN IT and which ones I wrote when I was distracted. But that’s the whole point of editing, right? Smooth everything out, polish it, make it the best it can be.

Lately though I’ve been struggling with imposter syndrome. Even though I’ve literally published a book before, I feel like this time around it’s so much harder. This story is more emotional, with even darker themes, and because of that, it’s hard for me to not let my characters wallow in it. With On the Dotted Line, there were deep emotions too, but I felt like I was able to explain those without losing the overall plot arc. So, yes…my confidence is shaking as I try to finish this book.

That being said, I feel incredibly good about my choice to go all in with writing. Do I dream of making it on a bestseller’s list? Of course. But I’m content for now with the fact that ANYONE has bought my book and loved it. I hope I never lose that, even if one day I do go on to sell thousands of copies. There’s no point in doing anything unless you love it, and I can honestly say that I do love this. Not just because I love writing, but because in fulfilling my dream, I’m becoming someone I never thought I could be.

Someone who puts herself out there. Someone who had to register her small business with the state and federal government. Someone who, despite her introversion, is planning on selling books at farmer’s markets. Someone who has realized that you don’t get if you don’t ask.

I never realized how much I would grow as a person by going after what I want. It’s the lesson I didn’t expect but the lesson I most appreciate.

So, I guess my unsolicited advice to you, my dear reader, is that if you’re not sure which direction to go in, follow the one that makes you more YOU. Putting my work out into the world has definitely made me more ME, and it’s the best feeling that I didn’t know I was missing.

All the best,